My Dear Friends,
For those of us who have too much time on our hands, the computer age has given us something from which we gain knowledge, a new means of communication and also something with which we can do silly things.
Through my long established website, www.ThoughtsForToday.net, I have been able to send out (usually) weekly proverbs, suggestions and hopefully some humor. I probably get more enjoyment out of this column than my readers, but, it is a way of occupying time and a means of expression through cyber communication.
Last year I “toyed” with the AL HOFFMAN FOR PRESIDENT theme, again, nothing more than a tongue-in-cheek attempt at humor, while at the same time trying to get a few pertinent points across. Hopefully it will not offend anyone, it is not meant to criticize anyone, just an attempt at introducing a little light humor into my friends daily lives.
I have mailed close to 600 Bumper stickers this year. These stickers are desirable since when removed, they leave no residue. You would be, as am I, surprised at how many states these stickers presently are showing up. If nothing else it provokes the question, “who the hell is Al Hoffman?”
To add more to this provocative Mishigas ( Craziness), we have developed a little website thru which I will be able to send out newsletters and updates. I do ask that you read my platform , the essence of this entire effort. There is of course some ridiculous things stipulated in this platform, but, there are also some messages that deserve your thinking. Certainly the name of our alleged party, THE DEFICIT REDUCTION PARTY is in itself, something we would all like to see come to pass.
I hope you find some humor in this campaign and if you have any ideas, please feel free to contact us.
Gratefully yours,
Al Hoffman
Presidential Aspirant
Getting close to appointing my Cabinet
THE RESPONSE HAS BEEN UNBELIEVABLE!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU ONE AND ALL.
IT WILL BE DIFFICULT CHOOSING BECAUSE ALL OF YOU WHO SUBMITTED YOUR NAMES ARE SO QUALIFIED---TO STEAL AND ACCEPT BRIBES.
More Blimps!
This kind of advertising should garner us at least 53 more votes!
Blimp in A.C.
While strolling on the boardwalk in Atlantic City today, I saw this blimp
over the ocean!
CAMPAIGN PLATFORM- DRP
CAMPAIGN DIRECTORS
The Hon. Francis Quigley
The Hon. Thomas Cray
WARNING: IF YOU READ THIS PLATFORM YOU WILL WANT TO VOTE TODAY BUT WE MUST WARN YOU, CONTAIN YOUR ENTHUSIASM, WE WILL LET YOU KNOW WHEN TO VOTE AND HOW OFTEN.
1- REDUCE THE OUTLANDISH DEFICIT WHICH HAS RISEN, AND CONTINUES TO RISE, AT LEVELS NEVER BEFORE KNOWN IN OUR HISTORY.
2- RESTORE OUR IMAGE WITH OTHER NATIONS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD AND WORK IN HARMONY WITH THEM, NOT "ON OUR OWN".
3- DEVELOP A FAIR BUT PROTECTED IMMIGRATION PLAN, ONE THAT GIVES RECOGNITION TO THOSE WHO HAVE LIVED AND WORKED HERE FOR YEARS AND WHO HAVE BEEN A CREDIT TO THEIR HOMELAND AND OURS. AT THE SAME TIME, ESTABLISH RIGID GIDELINEES FOR ANYONE NEW WHO WISHES TO ENTER OUR COUNTRY. IT IS UNFEASABLE TO CONSIDER DEPORTING THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN HERE FOR YEARS. HOWEVER, NO ONE NOT A U.S. CITIZEN CAN CLAIM OR RECEIVE COMPENSATION FOR MEDICAL HELP OR UNEMPLOYMENT COMPENSATION, ETC.
4- TEACH THE IRAQI ARMY TO DEFEND THEMSELVES AND GET OUR TROOPS HOME!!!! WE ARE NOT THERE TO BE BODYGUARDS.
5-***ALL GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES SERVING AT HIGH LEVELS WILL "BUY" THEIR POSITIONS. IN THIS MANNER THEY WILL HAVE A VESTED INTEREST IN PERFORMING WELL. ANYONE CAUGHT TAKING BRIBES WILL BE MADE TO SHARE. ***
6- WE WILL REDUCE THE NUMBER OF GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES BY A MINIMUM OF 50% AND THOSE THAT REMAIN WILL HAVE TO WORK SIX DAYS A WEEK TO "PICK UP THE SLACK". FOR THIS SIXTH DAY THEY WILL BE PERMITTED TO KEEP THEIR JOBS, ONE IN WHICH THEY WILL SHARE IN THE ***FUND. THE GOVERNMENT PAYROLL WILL BE REDUCED DRASTICALLY WHICH IN TURN WILL REDUCE THE DEFICIT.
7- SCIENTISTS WILL IMMEDIATELY BE GIVEN THE TASK OF DEVELOPING ALTERNATE FUEL SOURCES, ONE THAT IS PLENTIFUL AND CHEAP. WHILE NO GOVERNMENT FUNDS WILL BE AVAILABLE FOR THIS RESEARCH, THE INDUCEMENT WILL BE A FIVE MILLION (5) DOLLAR REWARD FOR THE ONE WHO CAN TURN URINE INTO FUEL. THAT WILL END OUR DEPENDENCY ON OPEC AND ONLY LOW INCOME FAMILIES WILL BE LICENSED TO OPERATE URINE STATIONS. (AIR WILL BE FREE)
8- THE CABINET WILL CONSIST OF:
THE PRESIDENT (THAT'S ME)
TWO (2) VICE PRESIDENTS ( ONE IN CHARGE OF VICE WHILE THE OTHER QUAIL HUNTS)
ALL OTHER POSTS WILL BE REQUIRED TO REDUCE THEIR STAFF BY 50%.
ONE WAY THIS WILL BE ACCOMPLISHED IS BY SIMPLY SUPPLYING COFFEE MACHINES THEREBY ELIMINATING THE NEED TO SEND SOMEONE OUT TO STARBUCKS SEVERAL TIMES A DAY. ALL COFFEE MUST BE PURCHASED FROM THE PRESIDENTS' SECRETARY.
THE PRESIDENT WILL ABOLISH THE OFFICE OF SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY, A POSITION HE WILL ASSUME. ALL OTHER CABINET POSITIONS WILL BE ANNOUNCED SHORTLY, AS WELL AS THE COST TO OCCUPY THOSE POSITIONS.
9- LARGE CORPORATIONS WILL BEAR THE MAJOR SHARE OF THE TAX BURDEN. THE MORE THEY MAKE, THE LESS THEY KEEP. (THE DEFICIT CONTINUES TO ERODE)
10- ALL RAP MUSIC WILL BE ABOLISHED AND REPLACED WITH EASY LISTENING, JAZZ AND CLASSICAL
EACH TAX PAYER WILL BE ASSESSED $20.00 PER MONTH FOR A YEAR SO THAT NEW ORLEANS CAN BE REBUILT. WERE ANOTHER DISASTER TO OCCUR ANYWHERE IN THE U.S.,THE ASSESSMENT WOULD BE RE-IMPOSED.
ANY HOME OFFERING LOVING CARE TO TWO OR MORE PETS WILL RECEIVE A SPECIAL TAX ALLOWANCE.
CHILD MOLESTERS WILL BE CASTRATED. TERRORISTS WILL BE DROPPED FROM AIRPLANES INTO THE ATLANTIC, THEREBY ELIMINATING THE NEED FOR DETENTION CENTERS OR COSTLY TRIALS.
ANY MAN OR WOMAN HAVING TWO OR MORE SPOUSES WILL ALSO BE AFFORDED SPECIAL TAX ALLOWANCES. THREE OR MORE WILL RECEIVE A PRESIDENTIAL CITATION.
AND FINALLY, IT WILL BE "PAY UP TIME". WE OWE THE UNITED NATIONS A HEFTY CHUNK OF MONEY IN THE FORM OF BACK DUES. IT WILL BE PAID IN FULL, THE ASSEMBLY OF DO- NOTHING NATIONS WILL BE SENT HOME AND THE BUILDING CONVERTED TO A SENIOR CITIZEN HOME FOR THE UNDERPRIVILEGED. NOTHING AS PRODUCTIVE EVER CAME OUT OF THAT BUILDING.
SO MY FRIENDS, IT IS NOW UP TO YOU. HELP ME GET OUR MESSAGE OUT. GET THE VOTE OUT AND HAVE YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS VOTE AS MANY TIMES AS THEY CAN.
THE WHITEHOUSE WILL SELL ADVERTISING AND WHILE SOME MAY CONSIDER IT A FORM OF GRAFFITI, I CAN ASSURE YOU IT WILL BE DONE IN GOOD TASTE. IMAGINE THE VALUE OF HAVING YOUR AD PAINTED ON THE WALL OF THE WHITEHOUSE. THE GOVERNMENT WILL GET TO REDUCE THE DEFICIT BY 90% OF WHAT IS CHARGED FOR THESE UNIQUE COMMERCIALS, (THE PRESIDENT GETS ONLY 10%.)
SEND AN EMAIL TO OUR SPECIAL ADDRESS AND REQUEST EITHER A BUMPER STICKER OR A LICENSE PLATE FRAME, OR BOTH. EMAIL
LANCEDOC1@AOL.COM
